Retiring from sport. Finding your way when others won’t let you

So it’s now been a year since I returned from Glasgow after fulfilling a career goal of competing at the commonwealth games representing team Wales. It’s also now just over 6 months since I retired from Welsh netball and Celtic dragons and it’s been an interesting period of adjustment, re-evaluating and reflecting.

So what have I learnt? I have had a number of interesting responses from people most of which I took as being part and parcel of retiring but it is only now I have had some distance from the sport I look back and realise that actually, many of these comments may have a negative impact to others during their retirement. After that amount of uninterrupted years in the sport I was not only thankful for the journey and experiences I’d had, but in the latter part of my career also left craving normality. I really craved being able to take up opportunities and explore other areas of my life. I had spent so many hours of my life on court, at the gym, shooting, travelling, at squad training, in camp etc. all of those hours meant sacrifices made along the way were the norm.

But what if I was ready to leave that behind and wasn’t as prepared to that anymore? I had amazing experiences through my netball career but I was missing out on precious time with friends and family, I wasn’t being fair to myself by exploring hobbies and other interests I had and had to push aside, and I wasn’t able to focus entirely on my company. But when I retired, for the first time ever I found myself able to do all of those things and not worry.

Interestingly though the responses I had on retiring were things such as;
‘so what are going to do with yourself now?’
‘What will you do instead?’
‘What’s the next thing?’
‘You’re going to miss it terribly, you’ll be back’
‘what are going to do with all of these hours you have back?’
‘Should you be eating that?’
‘Didn’t think you would be eating that?’
‘Having a few days off are we?’
All possibly said out of politeness or interest but actually contain tones of expectation, criticism, pressure and sarcasm!

My response? Well where do I start; possibly the commitment I had made to the sport since the age of 13? Are people really saying that I shouldn’t change my lifestyle and enjoy things now, post training? Do I really have to do something else with my time or can I just enjoy where I’m at like everyone else? What is it about me, or any other athlete who has retired that makes people think there must be something after? Maybe there is, but maybe there isn’t. Maybe we all just want to enjoy and appreciate what was done in the past and just enjoy things as they are now.

For years I have lived by the book from a sports performance perspective but it was done because it was part of performance. I didn’t always enjoy it, I didn’t always want to be that way and at times would have loved to ‘veg’ out, have a binge, not do anything but I didn’t…
Now that’s not to say that these things have massively changed however, it is so good to have total control and say over what I do without having to worry. Without having to consider netball, training etc. as a consequence.

I’ve realised that people are so used of me being ‘Cara the netball player’ that there’s an expectation now that whatever standards I had in place now continue.  It is one thing to readjust and become ‘Cara’ but to do that whilst having those expectations still in place is another thing altogether!

I personally feel that I have adjusted really well and that has a lot to do with the support I have around me, knowing I made the right decision and that decision being made on my own terms, but also because netball was something I love but I always knew my career and company would take over the sole focus.  But for others it may not be so easy, we all hear about so many athletes who since retiring have found it really difficult to adjust in to their new lives and whilst this has a lot to do with the individual I genuinely believe that those around the athlete, the expectations of others and social norms make it all the more difficult.

Going back to those questions and statements I mentioned earlier, I genuinely believe that they made it much harder for me to adjust and put the pressure on how I live, they made it harder for me to find a balance because whenever I felt doing nothing I felt guilty, whenever I felt like eating and drinking what I liked I felt that it wasn’t appropriate behaviour and somehow was letting myself down. But I realise this is nothing to do with my own beliefs, it’s others!

I think that people need to realise that when you perform to a high level in sport it is a choice, but one which takes up time to your life so when you stop you don’t suddenly have an abundance of time which needs to be filled, it’s there to enjoy, to relax, maybe do something else but it doesn’t have to be to the extreme again. Similarly, if those around us can eat and drink what they like and have days off from training, why can’t the rest of us? If we have spent ‘x’ amount of time training on a programme we may not want to do anything for a while, but that’s not a bad thing, it may actually be a really good thing. I guess the point I am making is that an individual’s journey and transition out of sport in to retirement is very personal and one which must be dictated by the individual because it’s their journey.

For those around them, support in whatever way that you can but be mindful that how you discuss life after sport may be misinterpreted so step carefully, be supportive and positive and help guide them to where they want to be without holding them back in the ‘athlete role’.

So my story in to retirement? I can look back and appreciate everything I achieved and I am very proud of that. But for me, I am enjoying having a balance, concentrating on building my company, spending time trying new things and taking up activities I enjoyed as a child, spending time with my partner friends and family but most of all, I’m enjoying finally being me!

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